์ƒ์„ธ ์ปจํ…์ธ 

๋ณธ๋ฌธ ์ œ๋ชฉ

๊ฑฐ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋น™์‚ฐ์˜ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์ด ๋ฌผ์†์— ์ž ๊ฒจ์žˆ๋“ฏ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋„ ์ˆจ์–ด์žˆ๋‹ค...?! ์ธํฌ๊ทธ๋ž˜ํ”ฝ by Gottman.com...

๋ณธ๋ฌธ

๋ฐ˜์‘ํ˜•

"๋ถ„๋…ธ๋Š” ๋น™์‚ฐ๊ณผ ๊ฐ™๋‹ค."

ํ‰์†Œ์— ํ™”๋ฅผ ์ž˜ ๋‚ด๋Š” ํŽธ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ์„œ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ์ง€ ๋ถ„๋…ธ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๊นŠ์ด ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์—†๋Š”๋ฐ The Gottman Institute๊ฐ€ ์ •๋ฆฌํ•œ ์ด ์ธํฌ๊ทธ๋ž˜ํ”ฝ์„ ๋ณด๋‹ˆ ๊ทธ ๋ง์ด ๋งž๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™๋„ค์š”. ๋น™์‚ฐ์€ ๋ฌผ ์œ„๋กœ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚œ ๊ณณ์€ 10% ์ •๋„๊ณ  ๋‚˜๋จธ์ง€ 90%๋Š” ๋ฌผ์†์— ๋„์‚ฌ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ•˜์ฃ . ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋„ ๊ทธ์™€ ๊ฐ™๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•œ ๊ฐ์ •์ด ์–ต๋ˆŒ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋’คํ‹€๋ฆฌ๋ฉฐ ๋„์‚ฌ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š”๋ฐ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ž€ ์ด๋ฆ„์œผ๋กœ ๊ฒ‰์œผ๋กœ ํ‘œ์ถœ๋˜๋Š” ๊ฑด ์•„์ฃผ ์ ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑฐ์ฃ . ์•„๋งˆ ๊ณต๊ฐํ•˜์‹œ๋Š” ๋ถ„๋“ค์ด ๊ฝค ๊ณ„์‹ค ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์€๋ฐ์š”.

 

๊ฑฐ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋น™์‚ฐ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋“œ๋Ÿฌ๋‚œ ๊ฒƒ๋ณด๋‹ค ์ˆจ์–ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ณณ์— ๋งŽ์€ ๊ฑธ ๊ฐ์ถ”๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ถ„๋…ธ...


์ด ์ธํฌ๊ทธ๋ž˜ํ”ฝ์„ ๋งŒ๋“  ๊ณ ํŠธ๋งŒ ์—ฐ๊ตฌ์†Œ์˜ ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ์— ๊ฐ€๋ณด๋‹ˆ ๊ฐ€์กฑ ์•ˆ์—์„œ ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ฅผ ํ‘œ์ถœํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ๊ผญ ๋‚˜๋ฅผ ํ–ฅํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์•„๋‹ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ์–˜๊ธฐ๋‚˜ ๋ถ„๋…ธํ•˜๋Š” ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์—๊ฒŒ ์ง„์ •ํ•˜๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๋Œ€์‹  ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ฅผ ์ž์—ฐ์Šค๋Ÿฝ๊ฒŒ ํ‘œ์ถœํ•˜๋„๋ก ํ•ด์„œ ๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ๊ฐœ์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ธฐํšŒ๋กœ ์‚ผ์œผ๋ผ๋Š” ๋“ฑ์˜ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋„ ์žˆ๋˜๋ฐ์š”. ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ฅผ ํ‘œ์ถœํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ทธ์™€ ๋งž์„œ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋„ ์‰ฝ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์ผ์ด์ง€๋งŒ, ๋‚ด ์•ˆ์˜ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๋ฅผ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋„ ์ฐธ ์‰ฝ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์„ธ์ƒ. ๋ถ„๋…ธ ์ž์ฒด๋Š” ์ž์—ฐ์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šด ์ธ๊ฐ„์˜ ๊ฐ์ • ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ด๋‹ˆ ์•ž์œผ๋กœ๋„ ๋ถ„๋…ธ๊ฐ€ ์ฐพ์•„์˜จ๋‹ค๋ฉด ๊ผญ๊ผญ ์ˆจ์–ด์žˆ๋Š” ๊ทธ ์›์ธ์„ ์ฐพ์•„ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•˜๋ ค๊ณ  ๋…ธ๋ ฅํ•ด์•ผ ํ•  ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

 


 

The Anger Iceberg

What you can see from the surface can be misleading as most of the iceberg is hidden below water. Although anger is a valid emotion on its own, remember that it can also indicate other emotions that need to be addressed or validated.

www.gottman.com

 

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